i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
