So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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