what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
