Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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