Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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