she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
