carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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