We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
