so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is classic penis vs brain.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
