of course. lets lasso hookers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
