Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
