When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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