The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
