if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
