If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
