that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
