i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
