i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
