Im at strip club and am horny
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
