So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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