After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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