i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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