It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can you repeat that, but with context?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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