she was so not down for the gang bang
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
