She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
