??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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