Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
