I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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