woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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