I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
