sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
