I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
