Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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