so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
