Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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