Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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