FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
