No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
handjob tips. give me some.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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