You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
