I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
