So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
