Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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