I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
