Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
