hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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