So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
