he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
