i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
