so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
