omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
