every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
