Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
